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I used to let offense get the best of me, as I allowed impatience and misunderstanding to simmer beneath the surface until it boiled over and made a mess of things. It wasn’t until I realized I was passing it on to my children that I knew something had to change. I needed to start nurturing biblical patience, or things were going to get worse.
Since then, I’ve asked the Lord to develop in me an unoffendable spirit, a way of relating to people with kindness and grace. It’s been a continual process, but slowly, my efforts have had a positive effect on those around me.
In Proverbs 19:11, the writer emphasizes the value of good sense in controlling one’s emotions, being slow to anger and overlooking offense. As we strive to nurture biblical patience and understanding, here are three ways to have an unoffendable spirit:
Make a Decision to Nurture Patience
American author and columnist, Wilfred A. Peterson, once wrote, “Decision is the spark that ignites action. Until a decision is made, nothing happens.” (Wilfred Peterson, “AZ Quotes,” Accessed April 25, 2024, https://www.azquotes.com/quote/553066.)
If you truly want change, make the decision to think differently. Reframe your thought patterns by recognizing offensive dialogues you’ve allowed to run through your mind. Replace these negative thought cycles with Scriptures, positive affirmations, and reminders of the biblical patience you want to nurture.
Turning from a spirit of offense was one of the best decisions I ever made. I repented to God, asked my family for forgiveness, and began living with intentionality in patience and understanding. Not only did this bring a deep sense of peace and calm, it propelled me forward in my God-given strengths. I now encourage others to break agreement with the spirit of offense, helping them get un-stuck in faith and life.
Communicate Better
Many times, our internal battle with offense comes from a lack of communication. We hold our true feelings in until they come out in the most ungracious of ways. But when we develop the habit of saying what we mean and meaning what we say, (from a spirit of love), offense has less hold on our emotions.
Communication isn’t always easy, especially when we’re offended, but there are a few things you can put into practice to communicate better.
- Address things as quickly as possible, before resentment sets in.
- Share what’s on your heart and don’t expect people to read your mind.
- Create margin in your schedule for meaningful conversations and deeper discussions.
- Listen well before responding.
James 1:19 says, “Know this, my beloved brothers: let every person be quick to hear, slow to speak, slow to anger.” How often do we get this verse backwards? We’re slow to hear, quick to speak, and even quicker to get angry. Let’s flip the switch on our communication habits and eliminate a spirit of offense before it has a chance to take root.
Devote Time to Nurturing Patience
Developing an unoffendable spirit takes time. It requires small, intentional steps that eventually lead to renewal. Devote time to nurturing biblical patience and understanding. Make it a priority, a practice, and a habit. Here are a few ways to do that:
- Seek wise counsel to help you address your spirit of offense and give you tools to overcome.
- Start a Bible study on the topic, digging deeper into God’s Word for wisdom.
- Practice empathy by putting yourself in other’s shoes and asking God for love and compassion.
- Surround yourself with positive influences who display Christ-like qualities and unoffendability.
Listen to this short segment of a meditation from Abide based on Philippians 1:6: “And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ.” Let God speak to your heart about how you—and those around you—are still in process.
Remember, anything worthwhile takes time, so devote the effort and resources needed to develop an unoffendable spirit. You won’t regret making a decision for change, communicating better, and dedicating the time necessary to nurture biblical patience and understanding.
Let Abide be your daily companion as you nurture biblical patience and trust God with your spiritual growth. When you start a premium subscription, you gain access to our entire library of content. Use this link for 25% off.
Jennifer Waddle is an author, speaker, and mentor for Christian women, and can be found at EncouragementMama.com, a place where discouragement doesn’t win!
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